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Growing up, Kevin and Melissa Fredericks were taught endless rules around dating, sex, and marriage, but not a lot about what actually makes a relationship work. When they first got married, they felt alone—like every other couple had perfect chemistry while the two of them struggled. There were conversations that they didn’t know they needed to have, fears that affected how they related to each other, and seasons of change that put their marriage to the test.
Part of their story reads like a Christian fairytale: high school sweethearts, married in college, never sowed any wild oats, with two sons and a thriving marriage. But there’s another side of their story: the night Melissa kicked Kevin out of her car after years of communication problems, the time early in their marriage when Kevin bordered on an emotional affair, the way they’ve used social media and podcasts to conduct a no-holds-barred conversation about forbidden topics like jealousy, divorce, and how to be Christian and sex positive. (Because, as Kevin writes, “Your hormones don’t care about your religious beliefs. Your hormones want you to subscribe to OnlyFans.”)
In Marriage Be Hard, the authors provide a hilarious and fresh master class on what it takes to build and maintain a lasting relationship. Drawing on interviews with experts and nearly two decades of marriage, they argue that
Men don’t really have “commitment issues.” At least, not in the way most women think men do. When a man tells you he has “commitment issues”, there’s a good chance that what he REALLY means is he’s not that interested in you and is just using you to pass time with until he meets someone "better."
When a man isn’t interested in a relationship with you, his “commitment issues” are nothing more than an excuse to waste your time and reap the benefits of your decision to stay with him in order to “see where this thing goes.”
It’s at this point where many women make one of the worse dating decisions possible, as they choose to remain with a half-interested man, hoping that over time they’ll be able to “lull” him into a serious commitment.
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